Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
