I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
