she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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