i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
