so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont even know how to be here
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
