She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
