i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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