Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
