i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
