I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
