I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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