i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
