The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
