The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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