At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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