She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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