"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
