i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
