we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
