Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
