My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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