she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
