is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
