Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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