i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
