Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize