It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
