True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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