Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
