Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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