Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
