Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
