i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
