we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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