i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
