I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
