I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
