Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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