I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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