He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
