have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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