I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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