Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
