There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
