Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
