i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
