we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
