At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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