matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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