He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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