I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
