Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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