I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
