so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
