Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
