Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
