Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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