You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
