I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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