Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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