she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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