I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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