you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
