Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
