Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All I want is dick and wine.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
