Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
