I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize